i called emmett today after years of not talking in any way. not because of some disagreement or general friction, but because the last time we hung out i expressed something with a certain conviction and then proceded to backpedal and not follow through with what i said i would. which i don't think he ever held against me. pretty certain it was all in my head for the past 2-3 years. i called him at work while nothing was really happening. it's been cold and gloomy. slow. he answered a lot faster than i expected. i wanted him to not answer. leaving a voicemail felt easier than carrying a full conversation. sure there's something to a voicemail, recordings have that slight permanence that texts dont, but for me it was more my avoidant nature than desired that outcome. we talked for twenty-five minutes. i started with asking if he was free to meet up in the next few days. he told me, had i asked earlier in the week, he would've been able to plan for it, but becasue i waited til less than twenty-four hours before, he had already decided to drive upstate tomorrow afternoon, when i would realistically make it anywhere close to him. so i had to settle with a possible facetime call on tuesday, when i will supposedly be working on something of importance on my laptop in a cafe somewhere. he advised me to skip tacommbi. he reccommended another place but i dont remember the name. i'll have to ask again. we talked about our lives and the feelings of stagnation and desires to do something that felt valuable. similar paths. i assume he looks the same. two years isn't a crazy amount of time. but people change. he sounds the same

signed up to check out a motorcycle sale on wednesday. i saw a couple honda passports in the promo video. if one of them is in good condition and sub-1k dollars, i might spring for that instead of my other idea. would save me some money, even if it'll be the slowest bike i'd ever own. hope the yellow one fits that. banana bike

hung out with one of my friends for the last time for a while. met up with her at dannys. i got there fairly early, had my sister drop me off since it was raining and i was not about to ride my bike there. we played pool. i brought my instax camera for group photos she would get to keep at the end. i didn't take charge of it though, and while the photos weren't what i had envisioned, she liked them nontheless and that's what matters. i wasn't in any of them though lol. stayed there for about four hours. got a ride home from laura who told me about this music scene guy who i was vaguely aware of prior to them meeting. funny anecdotes. when i said bye to my friend she said i smelled like grilled cheese. i'm not sure if she was drinking, she said she didn't want to but that was hours before even showing up so no clue if she changed her mind while there. but if she made that comment sober i'm a bit embarrassed. last thing she said irl to me before moving to arizona. it's good to get out of houston

went to an info session for a grad school program. took a couple hours off work and biked over. was a good use of time. i think i need to take my laptop with me tomorrow now, even though i was trying to avoid that. when i got back i had a brief exchange with a customer who i feel like also came in earlier in the week, or last week. she asked, "you rode your bike here?" i was unsure if that was because she saw me riding there but she clarified, like, generally and i said "yea." she said "stay warm" among the usual customer-employee farewells

learned people talked about me, not in a negative way, but in a disection of me and my actions and motives and what not. feels funny to know that. it's allowed, sure, and while i understand why, i can't relate. i don't talk about a lot of my interactions with people because i feel they are between me and x-person. i'm just closed off and private like that. triple water signs and all