sometimes, within the span of like 12 hours, you're hit with mutiple moments that all work together to convince you that there is something inherently unlovable about you. that you're not worth getting to know. that you're not interesting enough to cotinue getting to know. that after knowing you you aren't worth the hastle. I don't necessarily believe these three things. but they do almost inspire some bad poetry

i think i finally get that cameron winter album

i'm supposed to go to two parties this week. i may only do one. or maybe i'll do both but one will be brief. i don't know. i meant to game today but instead i took a like four hour nap after work and then endured a hostile phone call for an hour or so. it mellowed out, ended well enough but then there's the midnight followup up text that makes you feel crazy for thinking things could ever wrap up nicely. i don't know. i booked a place to crash so i can just be alone when i travel again in two weeks. that's more than one week, for any who think there's no difference

i guess i can kinda vent to someone tomorrow about all this maybe. i like keeping everything to myself. that way i'm not accused of shit talking or whatever

i think my old colombian coworker from my coffee days just moved back to colombia. wonder if it was immigration/ice-related or just homesickness. she was crying from happiness in the stories she posted. i want to belong somewhere like that