when i got ready in the morning i put on the black pants i wore yesterday and a clean black shirt. clean white socks. i thought to myself, interesting. you haven't worn all black in a while. thought about how that's what people do at funerals. i saw a regular who was wearing all black, as she usually does when she comes in. funeral thought came back to my mind. then i didn't think anything of it

i had my suspicions based on flakiness and eratic posting. and a change up in texts. but yea, didn't expect to be mourning what i had going with someone. the all black was just serendipity

blah blah i cant blame myself i did the best i could and you can't control what other people feel and think and are going through. the healthy way to look at things. but it doesn't make me not want to skip my morning class tomorrow and drink wine with my tramadol and a little k to just numb it. i can't be too sad, but i want to allow myself to feel and cope with something again. i deserve it

when jane remover said ' conocerte es una bendicion y perderte a ti me tragara por completo " i felt that