missed both rafa and asad at echoes friday (haven't see the former since i met him at dazegxd and the latter in over a year) because i was overcome with anxiety about potentially, even though highly unlikely, runnning into [redacted] and not handling it well... what even is my life

is the only way out through?

i deserve my suffering i suppose

my birthday show got cancelled. i dont care about any of it anymore. suprised by how let down i feel since the band isn't that important to me but yeah. had envisioned it being a fun night. now it's not happening. don't care to plan any get together right now. maybe that'll change. just want to dissapear for that day. and the day before. and the day after. but i'll probably go to work on all of them now