really letting friction decide what i do or don't these last few days of 2025

like when i skipped the lil event my friend had at her place on sat, just didnt think it was worth it for me to show up over an hour after the supposed end time. especially with no specifc update to me from anyone there about it

which ended up being the better option cause i got to host five friends at mine, listening to the recording of the dj set i did with a few others on phers bday. my, some of those transitions need a lot of work lol. maybe made vague plans to launch another art exhibiotion bid with two friends. could be fun

i went to some art opening this weekend and honestly, it was ok. i went for one friend who if she hadn't been in the show i doubt i would've gone. hadn't even intended to go but i accidentally fell asleep for like 15 mins after long day at work and generally sleeping five hours/night for the past few days. friend came and left after me not replying for 6 minutes. so it went. freed up time to go to that. liked running into noam. and noah. but everything else was just kinda whatever. i liked some sculptures even though noah said they dont really do it for him as art medium. i dont get that

lied about going to my parents to eat leftover pozole to get out of some conversations i didnt want to be in. but now im like i should host a soup partty in late january..

i hit up emmett for when i go to nyc again next month but again, he will be out of town. he may be back one day which i hope we can catch up on

i shouldve just gone to numbers

i think i plan on spending nye alone in my room. feels like a fitting conclusion to the year

when i feel ignored and pushed away./.. thjats the reazl mew

had fun at jon's bday thing. was nice to talkt to A and hear out what she told me via text the weeek before. its fun to care. it hurts to car3e.

i left my paTIENCE BACK IN 30TH ST STATION

hashed out some drama i guess, i talked to C which was nice. i wish we were closeer but whatever, won't be at her bday thing sunday both because [redacted] and cause i can't make it fit. i've felt cast aside all week, that's fine, idc, feelings are fleeting. Maybe i go see mu~nec tomorrow maybe not. i shoulkd ask S for a ride

just noticed the plant abi gave me as a late housewarming gift is dead

This is why we’re not together

Like a corn snake in a rack
System, i'm all tail rattling
And attempts to flee
Stuck somewhere between
Fight or flight or freeze
My therapist says
It's my reptilian brain
These distance-creating behaviours

I don’t want to be misunderstood
Over the phone anymore
I don’t like to feel all orange
Like a tiger lilly or
Like a corn snake
In a rack system
Named Tiger Lilly

what if i went to monster jam again (30$ tix not making it likely..)

everything feels dumb again but at least im enjoying isolating and reading again

had the first day of my internship this week, helped interpet/translate for a client who was applying to a county-specific healthcare benefit and while it was fulfilling to help that process go as smoothly as possible, the more the person opened up the more i was like, riight there's reall issues in the world much more deserving of empathy than a lot of stuff i face day-to-day. they also gave mre more of a perspective on why salvadorans support bukele. when every other president has been inept and he comes in, build hospitals that allow people to get healthcare that actually fixes their ailments while being affordable, then of course they'll look the other way when he abolishes term limits. healthcare is livelihood after all. the narrative around only the mother's of gang members being against him can then spread so easily

i should apply for food stamps again

in december (august) drinking horchata

cheesecloth fixed my horchata

was like why my leg hurt and its cause of a tattoo

why am i seeing cutwaters mentioned everywhere now i remember drinking them with diamond in march of 2021 and getting a lil too drunk in public cause of them why it take four years for everyone else to catch on....