when i was hanging with pat and max at pat's place i felt awkward and i tried to not feel like that but kept coming back. obviously a part of it was me doing more bumps as time went on to level myself out but when the volca and keyboards came in i felt like i was back in 2020 or 2021 when i would go to [redacted]'s place and mess around with synths and stuff. just an odd feeling and i dont think ive ever been musically inclined so when i had to go up to make something i was like uhhhhhhhh..... anyway i'm watching snow or sleet land softly on the ground outside. waiting for it to accumulate.

when i get notifications from people i knew in college everything feels so foreign

i miss them but like its been five years now...

how long bwe

my coworker kept being like " you should meet my partner" which im like you can just say boyfriend idc but i kept thinking that reminded me of something... like someone saying "oh you should meet x" and it finally came back to me just now that's what [redacted] kept saying to this one guy at a bar. that he should meet me, the 'partner' in this instance as a strange way of flirting. not that i ever held it against them just like thats odd y'know. but feels good to finally remember what that was all about. had been racking my brain trying to remember why her saying that felt so familiar to me yet so out of reach