i tried to comment something out of my last post and accidentally broke my blog for like three days. it's fixed now. i apologize to anyone trying to read the archive

the fat thing was a joke, obviously

i want to start writing my day to day, but i don't want to put that here because i don't need it to be broadcasted, just recorded. so i will use my planner finally. considered keeping days as drafts and posting at the end of the week, but still doesn't feel right. i'll keep this to specific thoughts and moments and written words

everyone that has tried my matcha flan has said its good. i've told them about how it took me four attempts to get right. first failure i tried to double the caramel ingredients so i wouldnt have to go through the process twice and it didnt dissolve well before bubbling. so when i poured i didnt get a glassy molten caramel i got bubbles of sugar crystals. all texture. all 3d. so scrapped that and started again. everything dissolved properly this time and i poured when i thought it was time, but it was not. the texture was right, but color was not amber. it was slightly yellowed liquid sugar. more syrup than caramel. and i considered leaving it like that to avoid the effort but as areli said after having it today, "when that stops mattering, then everything stops mattering. slippery slope. when does it end." which she meant more so as when i dont hold a standard to what im baking then i will start to get more sloppy and complacent. which i don't want to. but what she said was pretty relevant to me and my life right now. anyways i did restart and i got the caramel down. started my custard. mixed the eggs. then milk. then condensed milk. then matcha. and that was mistake three. i failed to remember powders dont integrate easily in cool or room temp liquids. so the matcha mostly clumped up. specs of dark greeen swirling. impossible to integrate. i had enough of everything to try again (because i accidentally stole an extra condensed milk). so i did. this time heating the evaporated milk on the stove, whisking in matcha. letting it cool. then integrating with the eggs and condensed milk in a freezer-cold bowl. i did not want the possibility of any residual warmth from the milk to affect the eggs and ruin the custard that way. baking is alwasy finicky with the water baths cause i don't have a real roasting dish but i made it work. lots of effort. was difficult to focus, which is what i attribute a lot of my screw ups to. but got it done. takes effort